longing for the scaffold 18 itting in the gaol, she wondered about her future. She had not thought she had a future. In the spring, she had been imprisoned in the gaol. S Over the summer there was the first trial. She knew it had been followed by a great many letters to and from Jönköping and Stockholm — she had seen some of them — and at some point by the end of the year she was to have been beheaded and finally gone to heaven. Instead, now, here she was. Outside it was late autumn and she had heard she would not be executed because she was insane. Who would have wanted that? But she could only agree. She had thought she could flee her horrible sins and reach heaven by committing her greatest sin ever. ‘Thou shalt not kill’: she had unequivocally sinned against the Fifth Commandment. Yes, she had been insane. How could she otherwise have even imagined drowning poor little Johanna? She had lied, too; she said she would play with Johanna. Tears came. As they should, when thinking of Johanna dead and — relief! — gone to her heavenly rest as she was baptised, while she, who should be dead had to live. How unjust! But perhaps she had misunderstood salvation? Perhaps she had misunderstood God? Was God just or merciful? She had tried to fool the just God, but one cannot fool the all-knowing God. He had restored her sanity, and she would live a life of repentance and tears until finally, probably after a long life, she would meet Him. She would meet the just and merciful Saviour, Jesus Christ. She had seen Him in the big new church, not the little one where she had been baptised and confirmed. Here, he was shedding tears in Gethsemane. Poor Johanna! Could the Saviour who died to forgive the sins of the world forgive such a sin? Thus far, invention. Fiction is one way to reach out to the ultimately unattainable centre of this study. For the truth is that no one today knows much of the inner life of Maria Johansdotter, or of any of the persons whose actions have led to interpretations and reactions. The little introduction Fictional
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